Another vote with Harry and Kevin. I like this mystical, musical poem very much; my ear has only one problem with it, and I am particularly fond of the way the meter and line length vary at the end - a closing flair that works very well for me.
I would, however, be happier with an extra syllable in L15: Breathe in it says, and then let go.
I believe that the writer (and I have my guess) has a superb, rhythmical ear, but is not a metric fundamentalist; and that the poem deserves to be listened to, not defined and mirco-parsed into submission.
Michael Cantor
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