I think this is quite an achievement. But I start with a liking for this sort of hexameter, the accentual (largely dactylic) line which can be seen as approximating the classical model.
I do see a little drop-off of quality in S3 specifically. For example, consort/owing feels like it needs a comma in there, and I can imagine that the fourth line’s
unsworn by dawn, which is just an internal rhyme for most Australians, might grate on some American ears.
I suppose there’s always a danger of metrical monotony with these longer meters. Mark, I’m not sure if this was mentioned before when A. D. Hope and others came up as exemplars in the discussion of your much longer and more ambitious Odyssey project, but you might take a look at A.H. Clough’s
Amours de Voyage , which is written in a similar loose and varied hexameter.
Henry