Kevin,
I love the new stanza.
I must say I am a great admirer of your metrical skills. I love the way you make the lines snap like stock-whips - so clean and sharp. I never see anything blurred or out-of-focus with your stuff, nothing woolly or vague - very impressive.
I am a great fan of alliteration, too. The ffff sounds here suit the images of drifting powdery snow and delicate frost patterns.
And the work you do on behalf of the endangered words of our great language is admirable - we must not lose control of our limns.
And other such rarities.
Richard does, however, put his finger on something I have also commented upon - the very fine ear you have for meter can work against you if you don't vary it a bit. The shorter the piece, the less this matters. But with longer pieces, like a sestina, it becomes noticeable. This is simply a matter of continual practice and wide reading - which you do.
But when you have mastered this one remaining problem (the over rigid meter not being "expressive"), then anything will be possible for you, and I look forward to seeing some truly great stuff in the very near future.
Congratulations on this one - and for the pub.
Yes, I can believe you that this was your first effort - because exactly the same thing happened to me when I had my first shot at dac-hex. It worked straight off - the trick is to keep them coming, in the same or better quality.
Best wishes, Kevin.
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Mark Allinson
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