Robt, I guess I hadn't thought of those lines as one word repetends, and in fact, I believe repetends in French forms should be unvaried. My bigger problem is writing like "Home is not where I dream." Well, home IS where you dream of being at sea, of screwing beautiful women, of being buried in Poets' Corner, whatever. The trick to writing tiny poems is to make them seem effortless, and yours seems labored. Go over to dimeter and look at what Schechter has done with a far more demanding form.
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