Thread: Open Mic
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Unread 05-02-2004, 03:51 PM
Lee Gurga Lee Gurga is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Lincoln, Illinois, USA
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My, what a deluge of responses! I will try to respond to each. . . but how about two to start?

Carol, while I am not real big on taxonomy, I would like to respond to your "are they or aren't they?" question. I would consider the first two as haiku ("mowing" and "fogged up windshield" being seasonal phenomena). The third I would consider senryu.

While end rhyme is often too "heavy" for haiku, it can be effective in senryu, and is something you might consider for the last poem, especially as you have introduced rhyme already. So as a too big generalization, end rhyme, if it is to be uses, is more in keeping with the mood of senryu, while slant rhyme or internal rhyme more effective in haiku.

If I might express an opinion about the first two poems? Both have virtues, but I find the second better as a haiku. The first "tells it all." While it invites the reader to join in the poet's lazy feeling, it leaves nothing beyond for the reader to discover. The second, however, is effectively ambiguous and allows the reader to actively participate in creating the mood of the poem.

I am glad you asked about "names," which I will interpret to be a question about titles. Traditionally, both in Japanese and English, haiku do not have titles. Early translators of Japanese haiku often gave them titles (and rhymed the first and third lines) to make them look like "poems" to Western readers. When I get a submission to our journal with titles, I can usually assume the poet has read Harold Henderson's "Introduction to Haiku" (a 1958 reissue of a 1934 book)or Kenneth Yasuda's "A Pepper Pod" (a 1946 or 1947 issue). As you can see by the dates, chances are they they are in many ways outdated.

Tim, What can I say . . . nice work. Two images presented without comment or embellishment, allowing the reader to participate as co-creator of a delightful moment.

Lee
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