Thread: Open Mic
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Unread 05-02-2004, 03:57 PM
Lee Gurga Lee Gurga is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Lincoln, Illinois, USA
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I would like to offer one more comment on Tim's haiku. I find the punctuation a little awkward. The comma suggests that the snowflake is the first element in a list, but, as there is no comma at the end of the second line, we find it is not so. I would suggest either a semi-colon (heavier) or elipsis (lighter). Also, one of the conventions of western poetry that has generally not been carried over to haiku is the use of a period at the end of a poem. Not to say you can't use it, but it is generally seen as an indication that the author is not very "haiku savvy." Just thought I would mention this.

Lee
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