Yes, ChristyElizabeth, I think you are correct in saying the subjectivity of meaning (especially) and humor (also) are important issues to consider. (In fact, I once shared a senryu with someone and they never spoke to me again! Some sense of humor!)
I think this problem of subjectivity, of how much is enough, not enough, or too much is a problem that plagues haiku particularly because of its brevity. No room to explain oneself, so if you have left out something crucial, the reader just won’t “get it.” This problem is so important that I wouldn’t consider submitting a poem until I have had a knowledgeable friend critique it. Sometimes the most difficult thing is to distinguish what is essential from what is incidental—especially when the incidental seems more interesting!
I have a few comments on the poems, if you will. The first seems a bit overburdened with figurative imagery. Beyond this, the mood of the imagery seems to conflict with the mood of the poem. “Frosting” and “cakes” don’t seem to convey the mood of frustration implied by “screaming.” Now you may intend that they do so, and that is fine. But if you do, why not let the natural scene speak for itself? Are “frosting” and “cake” more eloquent than the beauty of winter landscape itself? And, keeping in mind the message of the third line, is it possible to make the reader scream him or herself without overtly saying so? To resolve these issues in a poem that allows the reader to share the discovery of the feeling of this particular winter day is to be on the road to successful haiku.
frosting on the trees
cakes of snow on my mailbox
I scream for warm days
This second poem is more successful as a haiku. It is an example of the “sketch from life” haiku mentioned in the previous post.
dogs bay at the moon
a bright thing in a dark sky
far-off stars twinkle
This third, I believe, is the most successful of the three. I think it has a real insight to share, though I am not entirely sure I agree with it. The most important question is, do you?
tinder for a poem
-when the real logs catch fire-
usually burns up
I am sure that is more than you wanted to hear—sorry to be so long-winded!
Lee
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