Thank you so much for the insights, Lee. That was very helpful. (And I sure don't think of you as long-winded! Most writers that I know never get tired of these kind of discussions.)
On the first one - perhaps if I changed that last line back to how I originally had it - but like you said, it does seem a little busy.
frosting on the trees
cakes of snow on my mailbox
ice cream for warm days
The second one about the dogs baying at the moon - I liked for the insinuation of flashiness get attention.
As far as whether I believe the last one--well, I have learned through writing and rewriting that I sometimes have to let my pet lines go. (But I do save them!)
A valuable thing I've picked up from you is that the line doesn't need to be a summing up, or a value judgement. I can't always pinpoint why I favor some haiku over others but that may be why.
Again, thank you for your time and expertise. I look forward to reading more!
Christy
|