Kathy,
Well, you have exposed me as a lepidopterous loser! But thanks much for clearing my sinuses with your Remmington! Kidding aside, I have never seen more than one luna at a time—it must have been a glorious sight! I hope you can do something really fine with it.
Yes, isn’t Tontoism a great term? It is also been put that a haiku is a poem, not a telegram.
Haiku are hard to accomplish, and accomplished haiku are rare. Even the esteemed Bashô may only have written half a dozen truly great haiku. (I think Bashô said you were a great haiku poet if you have written three or four, but don’t quote me on the exact number.) Only 75 bad ones to go? You are almost there! If you could see some of the bad stuff I have written—and had published—you would, I believe, not be concerned at all about your progress. Speaking of publishing, to me one of the advantages of print publication is that with sufficient effort you can locate and burn all the copies of a book or magazine, but with the Internet, poems can attain eternal life . . . whether you want them to or not!
Concubine: to tell you the truth, it is not a matter of bad or offensive. I just didn’t get it. That said, I will mention that it is best to avoid trying to “tell a story” in three lines in your haiku. As you might expect,we have an expression for that, too: “mini-series haiku.”
Religious overtones are no problem. In Japanese, one of the six (or is it seven, I forget) major categories of seasonal words is called “Gods and Buddhas.”
Re:
early morning rain
washes purple pansy's face-
ready for the sun!
Here is a haiku on the same subject but with an enormous difference in approach. Lighter, more true to life, not painting a picture but taking our hand so we can come along and share the fun:
pansies we smile back
Charlies Trumbull
finches flit from oak
to huckleberry bushes
quick morning kisses
I think this is the best of yours I have read so far. Well done!
passion flower
hangs on wooden trellis
crucified
As I said, I don’t think the subject matter is a problem here. (But look at the tontoism! Help!) Perhaps the too obvious connection of “passion?” Also, please note that it is only one image, with the third line a conclusion, really. Compare this with the following two haiku on Christian subjects by contemporary master Akito Arima (in translation):
a cherry:
Mary coaxes it
from Joseph
Notice Akito has taken the fruit from the garden of eden and replaced it with one with considerable erotic charge. Notice also that he has reversed the direction of the fruit. Something new to consider about the Holy Family!
Another:
theologians:
spitting watermelon seeds
in unison
See what I mean? And one more by a western writer with a totally different mood:
forgotten for today
by the one true god
autumn mosquito Steven LeRoy
Not so obvious: this is a 9-11 haiku.
Blah, blah, blah . . . enough for now!
Lee
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