I see only two arguably abrupt enjambments and they could be fixed thus (if the poet cared to fix them): see/my tears and place/once more.
Is the other one on "Sisters"?
Genuinely affecting poem.
P.S. If the controversial enjambments are flaws I'm reminded of a comment made on the great Tito Schipa: that he may not have been the best tenor but he was the best singer. This may not be the best sonnet in the bunch so far but it is the best poem.
P.P.S. (Sorry!) Lest I appear to be piling on, let me express my appreciation for Robert Mezey, damn fine poet and invaluable editor of Robinson and Hardy and for his services in general. Also, his sotto voce is a brilliant piece of rhetoric. In print, perhaps especially online, his statement's as loud as any other (and he knows it) despite the attendant apology.
[This message has been edited by Mike Slippkauskas (edited May 07, 2008).]
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