Quote:
Originally posted by Michael Cantor:
Welcome back, Lee, and thanks very much for your dedication and energy. Your last visit was enormously stimulating, and this one shows every sign of being at least as fruitful.
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Hi Michael! Another well-remembered poet from my last visit! Thanks for the kind words. I will try to live up to them this time! Sorry to take so long to reply, but i have had to wrestle the keyboard away from my wife. The fact that it has taken me an hour and a half to do so says something about who is stronger. On to the haiku . . .
An airport somewhere
The candidate and his wife
Flags flags flags flags flags
H! Ain't it the truth!
we share a table
translucent rice noodles
spring rain shimmers
I think you are on the way to something here, but fear you are not quite there. It seems a bit disjointed somehow--I suggest you try moving the images around and seeing if you get something that connects a little better. I also suggest you reevaluate "translucent," as I believe rice noodles are translucent. (Well, maybe there are some that arent, but i haven' seen them.)
company outing
under the cherry blossoms
a manager snores
tie and jacket off
drunken company party
he has pissed himself
From a technical point of view, the company party is the context and it is usually best to present the context first rather than later, unless you have some specific reason to do so. If you are trying to recreate your experience for the reacer, it is generally best to present the images in the order of perception, as we say in haikuworld.
New England autumn
running backs slide through the rain
cheerleaders tumble
I would consider "running backs" to be a sufficient autumn seasonal image, which gives you the opportunity to do something more with the first line.
six miles of sand
the summer people are gone
beach dogs race the surf
Has potential, but as it is it is a "list," with one image to a line. Perhaps you might consider tying two of the lines together to give us a more fully realized end of summer haiku.
the special needs child
carried to the campaign stops
a special trophy
Naughty, naughty! (Just kidding) Seriously, this is certainly an appropriate subject for haiku. There is a problem here, though. This is what i refer to as a "third line as a title" haiku. The third line here presents an interpretation of the first image. It would be better if if you could find a way to let the reader draw this conclusion for him/herself. As I recall, Steve C. put up a link with his introduction to a short essay on editing haiku which discusses this issue. All in all, a nice batch of haiku! Lee