Quote:
Originally posted by Christy Reno:
Welcome, Lee. I'm not seeing any feedback on my haiku. I could have missed it on the page, but if you haven't given any feedback yet, I'd love to hear what you think.
Thank you for the feedback, Henrietta. Is the bolded poem a revision you are suggesting to me? I'm afraid I don't understand the meaning of the new poem.
These were my haiku. They're all I can come up with right now.
black tree, white skies.
filmed. framed.
look up! birds soar.
OR
black tree, white skies.
filmed. framed.
look up! birds fly away.
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Christy, sorry, but i missed your poem! I like this version best (except i would lose the period):
black tree white skies
filmed framed packed
to fly away.
I like the three participles in the second line and like the ambiguity of the third line.
Lee