[Chiago Mapocho]

Lee Gurga,

I appreciate the time you have taken with these poemlets. I will adress your questions, if you don't mind. I would also give my apologies for not spotting the errors--in the two incidents, it should be "croquet" and "greeters". Don't know if that makes thing more clear or not, though.

Firefish
on firewood.

not sure i get this one. are the 'firefish' flames in the shape of fish or are they something else i am not familiar with?

There are two kinds of firefish: purple firefish and Devil firefish. What I wanted to do here was have the fish out of its element--water--and work in a scene evoking the exact opposite--fire--, without making it surreal. After all, grilling fish isn't unusual. There's no verb to open up the possibilities of what it does on the firewood. Personally, I imagined three scenes: one, firefish grilled on the flames from the firewood; two, firefish scorched to ashes on the firewood; and three, firefish laying on a non-burning firewood.

In all cases, the exclusion of the N was because I hoped his involvement would be implied by the fact that once someone had to put the fish on the firewood (and this way, also create a period of time in the poemlet).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil_firefish


seems just a bit pondeous, don't you think?
That leads me to a question. Can didacticism have anything to do in a haiku, or is it too guiding, limiting?

seven dead fireflies
make a puddle two toes
in front of your shoes.

not sure i can put this all together

How about(?):

dead fireflies
pool the waxed porch
two toes in front of your shoes.

waxwings scallop
a part of Innisfree
with wingtips and will

i think this is the most successful so far. a am assuming you are referring to the garden. my only question here is why "a part"?

I wanted Innisfree to be loose enough to be both an image of what happens on the isle and on the lake. Come to think of it, though, Lough Gill would be better, in that the image of the waxwing scalloping on land seems a bit too hazy. In the lake, wingtips "scallop" a part of Innisfree (a part because wingtips rippling an entire lake would be surreal).

unfolding white chadors
on green roofs
mountain and treetops

has a certain spaciousness that is appealing.

Anyone having seen how cabins built near trees and cliffs can be snowed down in winter, I hope, will identify with this image. I'm wondering if chador is evoking the wrong associations, though. Maybe "winter coats" (though it is a less apt metaphor), or "white parkas /anoraks"?

not sure whay "crocket" is here. The only definition i can find is an architectural ornament, and that doesn't seem to fit.

I must apologise for that confusion--as well as with "gretters". For what it's worth, I meant to write "croquet".

sahara desert
shapes stretchïng over sand
shadows walking

just seems to be a picture

Would you elaborate on this one? I'm wondering the second line is misleading, rather than grounding the last line.

Thank you a lot for you spirit and helpfullness.

Best regards,
Mapocho




[This message has been edited by Chiago Mapocho (edited October 18, 2008).]