Quote:
Originally posted by Lee Gurga:
sudden wind gust
prairie dust rises
to meet the rain
i think you have something here--the last two lines together are fabulous--but i think you have sort of "wasted" the first line. After all, we know there is a gust when we get to the second line. Somehow it seems you would do better to use the first line to give some inkling of the vast grandeur of the prairie, perhaps with the darkness or thunderheads of a summer storm?
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Lee thank you so much for your terrific suggestions and comments on this haiku and the raven one as well. I've revised with your comments in mind.
Is this better?
thunderheads bloom
prairie dust rises
to meet the rain
or
distant thunder
prairie dust rises
to meet the rain
And two more from the same observation/occasion
switchgrass bows
to the breeze
seeds scatter
overdue rain
pounds thistledown
into cracked dirt
Thanks again!
Donna