Quote:
Originally posted by Cally Conan-Davies:
Hi Lee! I know you are leaving us very soon now. I would appreciate if you could honestly tell me if any life-spark is coming through yet in this little group.
Cally
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Life spark everywhere, Cally! BTW, i am planning on hanging around until i go to bed tomorrow night--that would be around 10 pm US central time--so i will be around for a while yet. Some thoughts below:
steam rising
from a tea-cup
4am
you have the right time here--i will try later to find the poem by akhmatova that explains why. (i think i have the book in town and won't be going into town until later.) '4am' is, however, the context of the poem and i find that it is usually weaker to present the context in the third line. (i just made a similar comment on a poem by david r.) in haikuland, we talk about presenting the images in the order of perception. now it may be true that you didn't know exactly what time it was until later, but you must have known it was past midnight.
an old woman
bending slow
native grasses
certainly a spark here
warm breath
on the glass
moon in the day
i think this one has potential, but the third line seems weak with its prepositional phrase. might you sharpen it up?
your head
on my breast
moon at noon
i like this one a lot, but why not 'noon moon'?
from leaf to cloud
cloud to leaf ...
a fish leaps
i like this one, too. well done!
Lee