Quote:
Originally posted by Mary Meriam:
written before class:
~~~
you guys are a riot!
please crit
thanks
|
Mary, my pleasure! Below . . .
cold bed
I need another
blanket
as i mentioned in another posting, cause and effect are the weakest kind of link between images in haiku. that said, because it is a bed, with all that could imply, there are some interesting posssibilities here . . .
close your eyes
this is my kiss
for you
not as interesting as the first
written for class:
brown oak leaf
falls on the lake
then light rain
two images, but there doesn't appear to be much more than a weather report here. if you find significance in this please work to bring it out more clearly for the reader.
Hope this helps!
Lee