Henie, I remember the one you wrote about the screen and plum jam. Are you still working on that one?
Lee, I'm from New Jersey-New York, but I live in the Ozarks - not too far from you, I think - where the Osage Indians used to live. As for the cold bed - I meant for there to be a pause at the end of the second line - so that the reader assumes L3 will be "body" or something, but it's just a blanket. I think the bed and kiss ones I wrote this morning drifted perhaps a bit too far away from the true form. Speaking of which, I've caught up on all the posts. My feeling about form is to learn it and follow it as closely as possible, because I believe there is so much to learn from each form. I think even Shakespeare's sonnets do not vary much from strict iambic pentameter. On the other hand, I felt the haiku opened up for me as soon as I let go of the syllable count. I read somewhere that the haiku has many rules, and who can follow all the rules? So letting go of one rule seems fine to me. In case I wasn't clear enough earlier, ahem, the brown leaf is a turd, ok, but damned if I'm inviting the world into my bathroom!
Anyhow, Lee, thanks again for your crits. I have a question for you or Steve C. What about those two line haiku? Or I've seen a few of yours with about 8 lines, maybe - skinny, with a longer line the middle. What's with that?
Chiago, thanks for your tender response. I like this one of yours:
autumn storm
coat scalloping
with wind
Cally, that's a good idea about the list of sensory experiences. I've been thinking along those lines, too, though I haven't written anything down. I just feel more aware of everything, thanks to studying haiku.
cold bed
I need another
blanket
close your eyes
this is my kiss
for you
brown oak leaf
falls on the lake
then light rain
Osage oranges
on the ground
no Osage in sight
PS: Cally, yeah, magic and love, for sure. Both, lol.
[This message has been edited by Mary Meriam (edited October 20, 2008).]
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