Quote:
Originally posted by David Rosenthal:
But wait a minute, I thought you were "The Haiku Guy."
But seriously, here are a few revisions:
David R.
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morning chill,
long after morning:
lingering fog
nicely done!
the calving glacier
echoes like cannon fire;
a seal pup yawns
not really getting a lot out of this. maybe too 'obvious'?
two steps beyond
the shadow of the redwoods:
the sun!
nice
reveille --
flushing the toilet,
I drown out the trumpeter
well done
all the beautiful trees --
a vacationing artist
sketches a cabin
much better! but why not 'the' and 'the'?
millions of summers
in the making:
the sand between my toes
nice feeling
and one more new one from the redwoods:
alone
in the redwoods --
not alone
and one more from the corn belt (this should be centered, but i can't figure out how to format that):
driving
home
alone
no not alone
the
grass
hopper
re-
minds
me
if you have never taken a ride with a grasshopper in the car, i can recommend it for excitement!
Lee