Henry,
I can see absolutely no comparison at all between the random and meaningless line-breaks in the Kinsella and those in Mary's poem. In Mary's poem there is meaning behind the emphasis on the "won't" and the "don't", even apart from the semantic tension they create. The original emphasis on these two words, produced by their rhyme positions, in a poem about aging, is also important, underlining the resistance of the speaker to the process.
I suppose it depends on whether you like an increase in the meaning potential or would rather keep it univocal, which is what I meant by "neat and rational" - univocal. Mary's poem is now very clear metered prose, but I miss the poetry it lost in changing the line-breaks.
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Mark Allinson
[This message has been edited by Mark Allinson (edited June 19, 2005).]
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