It's good of you to take the dismissive comments so good-naturedly. We can get very worked up about poetic matters, which I think you'll find is a good thing.
It's also promising that you're eager to polish your poem as well as possible before posting it for comment.
It sounds like you're uncomfortable with the line, in which case you should revise. (Julie's made some suggestions.) If you're comfortable with it, but wonder how others will react, we'll be able to tell you more easily when you've posted the poem. I look forward to it.
Welcome.
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