[Martin Elster]

Ginger and Horseradish’s Quarrel

I irritate men’s sinuses and eyes,
making them weep as if they suffer pain,
as if they have been beaten with a cane,
as when they toiled beneath Egyptian skies.

Well, I can feague a sick or hoary horse.
My rhizome in its tuchis makes it hold
its tail up nice and high. However old,
it dances, though my tactic’s cruel, of course.

It is! I’m far more ethical than you.
The Oracle at Delphi said I’m worth
my weight in gold. Folks placed me on the earth
and horses hoofed me for mankind to chew.

Come, let me sample you, a little taste.
You make me weep! And you cause me to cough!
(They ceased their squabbling when I took them off
the counter, blending them into a paste.)

_________

An 1811 dictionary states: “to feague a horse is to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well. ... In the past, the purpose was often to make an older horse behave like one that was younger, or to temporarily liven up a sick or weakened animal.”

It’s not the most attractive root on the block, but allegedly the Oracle of Delphi said, “The radish is worth its weight in lead, the beet its weight in silver, the horseradish its weight in gold.”