Hi Stephen, thanks for posting this. Well, this is a nice shot of pretty clouds. The problem is we see millions of pretty cloud shots.
It seems to me that a significant aspect of this piece is the way you shot it by panning, but this doesn't make it's way into what I see and understand as a viewer.
I feel that what you have here is a good beginning of something interesting but it's not art yet. It's not finished, especially with the flaws remaining. I say fix them or use them. An old instructor of mine used to say "Not to design is to design by default." In other words "There's a flaw, oh well." is not enough. There's a flaw, do you like it? What will you do with it?