Thread: In Vino Veritas
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Unread 07-20-2019, 11:48 PM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Lazio, Italy
Posts: 4,973

Hi Jim, I like the spinning out of local color in this, and the rhyming.

A few possible tweaks come to mind:

S2L4: make “whisper” plural?

The next line: I’m not familiar with that usage of “remarked”—is that idiomatic for you? Would a straight-up “rumored” or “believed” be better?

S4L2: I’d add a comma after “fraud.”

I like Vera’s suggestion for the last stanza, which I agree needs to be ironed out more.

Fun and witty, this is. I enjoyed it.

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