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Unread 07-15-2019, 10:10 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,293
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I like the theme of "fallen majesty" among Americana.

The language is charged and fun.

I think I would prefer it if you took out the period and went with:

Autumn reveals it all
goes according to plan.

You lose me in the first three lines of the last stanza:

Pressure-sensitive and dismal;
is her screen dawn’s
last dance or dismissal?

The fragments in the first line are too much for me, and I don't know what the next two lines are saying.

Best,

Aaron
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