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Unread 07-15-2019, 11:19 AM
A. Sterling A. Sterling is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Maryland, U.S.A.
Posts: 82

Hi Jake,

My first thought on seeing your title was: “Hey, could this be a poem about Libuše?” Guess not.

I’ll give it a critique all the same, but I’ll want to spend some more time with it. My first impression is that some parts could be pruned to good effect, but I’m not entirely sure yet which ones.

I wonder at that bulb burning out “briefly” in stanza 2. Bulbs can go out briefly, but burning out is permanent, no? I also find the likening of “red shadows the town” to a shave somewhat counterintuitive, as I think most people associate shadows more with a lack of a shave. And, like Aaron, I find the first part of S4 a bit bit opaque.
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