[Michael Cantor]

Thanks, Julie, for the suggestion about breaking up the opening sentence. Have done, and it reads much better now - stronger emphasis on the change. I'm not accustomed to getting - and using - so many good suggestions. Either I'm getting worse (or more receptive to advice) or you guys are getting better. But all the little ticks have made this a stronger poem. Thanks, all.

(Added in) - Rick - at last, a suggestion I can disagree with. At first glance I agreed with you regarding doubling up on the "ing"s, and "weathered" works well with the title. But the more I read it the more I felt that the double "ing"s help rather than hurt in this case, and that the line flows better sonically. It's a bit of a coin toss - and thanks for rereading - but I'm inclined to stick with both "ing"s. (Do I get a prize for the day's least erudite discussion of poetics?)

Oh - and Julie - thanks for the em dash help. It's the "alt" key on a PC, I discovered, but hitting an extra key doesn't work well with my hunt-and-hope typing, so I'll just stumble along as is.