Your poems are akin to immersing oneself in the North Atlantic on a pleasantly warm day. It shocks the system and my first response is to get out -- Quick -- And I do.
But I go back and, by degree, the water feels warmer somehow, and I slip in under a swell and feel the exhilaration and refreshment of playful language and free thought. But it took some coaxing (thanks Nemo, James, Matt, et.al.).
I think your best poetry will come from a distillation of that technique you employ in the few poems Iíve read here of yours and a more measured, flowing arrangement of the words (as Nemo pointed out with the period after "goes." and Matt alluded to in terms of line breaks / enjambments.)
But beautifully imagined, Jake.