Thread: Rain
View Single Post
Old 08-14-2018, 07:21 PM
Woody Long's Avatar
Woody Long Woody Long is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Arlington, Virginia
Posts: 1,373

Andrew —

When I was a kid, we spent a lot of time outdoors in the west, & I saw many things in the clouds of the Arizona skies.

S1L2 as is:

looking at clouds—first

I think deleting first would improve the poetry, so, S1:

All day I lay
looking at clouds—

The reader can infer the sequence from then, S2L1.

— Woody
Reply With Quote