Thread: Rain
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Old 08-15-2018, 02:02 PM
Edward Zuk's Avatar
Edward Zuk Edward Zuk is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Surrey, Canada
Posts: 641

Hi Andrew,

I like this mostly, but the rhyme in the first line sounds cloying to me. "All day I lie" would put this into the present tense, making your shift into the past at the end more arresting.
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