RCL - Nice edits. For me, that latest reads more like a complete poem and less like part of a game.
The only change I wondered about was in the last line, although it did make me want to know more about 'No Heart Jack' who sounds rakishly piratical.
Work has left me very little time to play, but I got to the scissors and glue tonight!
So, here's my visual response to RCL's After Walter’s No-Man by Jack: