Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi
I think it would go down more easily if “merriment” in line 1 were the more idiomatic “happiness.” “Hours of merriment” spikes the fey meter again.
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The word here literally means “amusements.” I guess today we’d say “fun,” but that sounds too modern and/or banal to me. Maybe I’m wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi
perhaps you could revert to “voice” with “when suddenly, your voice, exalted, / [two iambs] and left me stunned.” “Your voice range out” is overkill after the exalted voice or tones, imo.
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You’re right about the overkill, and I’ve taken your neat comma suggestion.
Thanks again, Andrew, and I’d still be interested in your take on my post #7.