[Douglas G. Brown]

Oh, the diva loved her food, and would get into a mood
Where she'd eat like it was going out of style.
Soon this gourmandizing lady looked like James Buchanan Brady,
Or Farouk who cruised his yacht upon the Nile.
All the supermarket papers scorned her gastronomic capers,
And condemned her gluttony as truly vile.
The publicity they gave her made the buying public crave her
New recordings, and she earned a giant pile.

Then she started skipping dinner, and as soon as she grew thinner,
All the tabloids feared that she would waste away.
So, these papers spread a rumor that she had some sort of tumor
Which would put her six feet under any day.
This created so much pity that in every single city
Of her tour, they had to turn the crowds away;
Which will reinforce the glory of that timeless showbiz story
That publicity of any kind will pay.