Tony, hmm. I do suspect that brevity is a key operating virtue of the poem as it stands. I worry that adding length, like steering too deliberately toward metaphysical profundity, carries a strong risk of destroying the poem's feel and spirit. Also, I do wonder how much the current last line may already hint at those depths and perhaps thus even be sufficient within my felt constraints in this poem. I will have to think about my options in this regard long and carefully. Thanks for sticking with me on this and for giving me something so well worth thinking about!
PS--I hope you saw my comments on your most recent post.
Jan, thanks for weighing in. I was wondering what you'd think of this poem. It's comforting to know that the one thing that bothered you about it is so easily changed, and even more comforting to reflect that it's something I've gone both ways with, even before posting. However, it appears that no matter which way I go on this, I'll be pleasing only roughly half of my readers.
In any case, I'm really happy that you find the rest of the piece well crafted and the conceit compelling--and most of all, that you feel tapped into the narrator's consciousness. All very good news!
Last edited by Alexandra Baez; 04-17-2024 at 08:38 PM.
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