John, thank you. I am glad to hear that these sections come off as effortless--they weren't but that's what I'm after. I hope my narrative work challenges the reader as much as Homer's "Odyssey" does for those who know Greek, and as much as Byron's "Don Juan" does for those who know English. I fear that too much emphasis on "strangeness" and "complexity" has cost poetry a lot of readers. Poetry can be many things, and "strange" and "complex" and "challenging" are only three of them.
You are right about "Lowertown"--people more often say "Lower Manhattan" or simply "downtown." I have revised that line.
The "everything" is a colloquialism but this is an American epic, and the narrator speaks the way that I hear Americans speaking--it's all about living language.
I'm not sure I understand how the tense is off in "most assuredly/he will be crashing."
The "soil . . . poles" is an absolute condition--a floating modifier: "Under the condition of the soil . . ."
"smidge" is meant to emphasize how small the cherry of the cigarette is, in contrast to the conflagration which it sparks.
Thank you for your suggestions,
Last edited by Aaron Poochigian; 07-28-2019 at 06:29 PM.