View Single Post
Unread 07-29-2019, 03:35 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 3,412

Hi Aaron,

I'm back with a couple of thoughts/suggestions on #2 ("The Third Omen")

scrawl of considerable amplitude B

"considerable" seems like it could be stronger. Something descriptive, more suggestive of an image?

Land breakers shattering the blacktop, traffic

How about:

Land breakers shatter shaking blacktop, traffic

to give you internal rhyme, more image, and an active verb?


Reply With Quote