Jim, I think you just need to stop conceiving of the poem as a sonnet. In essence, it works fine the way it is. I suggest embracing this mantra: The forms were made for the poet, not the poet for the forms. This poem would have to change radically to really embody a sonnet. I don't see that that's what this poem wants to be!
I think you added a dash after S3 L1, allowing you to use a comma after "legs" instead of a semicolon as in my suggestion.? Either that or I overlooked the dash before. Anyway, the way you have it now works well, better than what I'd remembered conceiving when I made that suggestion.
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