I see where Julie's coming from, although I'll admit that I found the treatment unexpected on first read.
As far as poems about Spring go, I enjoyed this, it reminds me of the poem you wrote in non-met about Fall recently. Trying to slap fresh paint on an old topic.
But to quote Wislawa Szymborska:
Quote:
“We have a principle that all poems about spring are automatically disqualified. This topic no longer exists in poetry. It continues to thrive in life itself, of course. But these are two separate matters.”
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I wonder if there's just an innate tiredness in the subject matter that's near impossible to get around, no matter what you do. This poem strikes me as a pretty good attempt, all things considered, but I don't know what one could add that was both interesting and not overly contrived.
I think this is a good poem, but Spring just doesn't resonate given where poetry is as a genre. It makes me want to see you take a stab at a more interesting topic.