Hi Mark
Lots to like here. I love the "motley" line, and the way the thing that might have already come, knowing he wasn't ready, then leaves "smiling, walking backwards". The poem leaves itself open to the reader to decide the precise details, and wonder what came (or might have come) and why and how it might have impacted the man, which leaves me to reread and ponder -- something I like doing with poems.
"dreadful" stuck out for me. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe because it's so general or maybe because it's abstract. I dunno, it just seems a bit too bland. Actually "struggle" is similar on that front, some maybe it's the combination of two abstract/general words. "bring news" is pretty general too, now that I think about it. In contrast, "perhaps in motley, with apples and wooden toys," is a lovely line which manages to convey its idea with concrete, specific images. (I love the use of "motley" here).
So maybe there's a more specific, image-based word/phrase or even whole line or that is more suggestive of image somehow -- which would similarly have the effect of being specific. Again, I'm admiring the "motley" line which offers a specific image but manages to convey something more general (can be read as a metaphor). So, I dunno, maybe the thing that comes, comes limping or on crutches with powder burns, say. Something but in that direction that conveys it's come from some dreadful struggle?
In the close of S2 I wonder a little about "sing", "songs", "songs" in the space of two lines which maybe makes the close sonically flatter than it could be, but I've no suggestions, and maybe am being overly picky -- unlikely, I know, but there's always a first time
Matt