I adored this one -- that whole play on the "spirits," and additionally for being in an attitude that is completely alien (and therefore interesting) to me. Unlike Sam, I like the "you" in the close. It seems adroit to me, lending the poem the right amount of pathos and raison d'etre, but I'm not keen on both the repetition of the swallowing AND the fact it's turning the line into an alexandrine. To me, it seems overkill.
Beautiful and poignant, overall.
Best,
Jennifer
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