Thread: Bill Daugherty
View Single Post
Old 12-25-2003, 10:38 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 7,080

I find this very powerful, though I would like it better separated into three stanzas to emphasize the parallelism of the form. If you don't capitalize the "and" at the beginning of the third, the violent enjambment will have a startling effect, I think, which would reinforce the content. One thing I particularly like is the irony of the title, which certainly takes the "serene" out of "serenades." And I am also fond of the different meanings that "sleep with" takes on in the course of the poem.

I have heard that there are only two ego defense mechanisms that have a positive effect on a person--humor and sublimation. They have worked for me. I hope that the latter is working for you, too.

Reply With Quote