Thread: another etym
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Unread 05-24-2020, 03:34 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
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Hi Walter,

I prefer first version, which I like a lot. I really like the "...?" parts, and prefer them by a fair bit to the lines that replace them in V2. Adam speaking without language is how I read them, which is apt, since he's yet to eat of the tree of knowledge (here, the tree of language). I like that eating or not-eating the fruit only changes what Adam will believe, and not the reality of his being at the whim of words.

I also like how the consequence of not eating the tree's fruit called to mind the curse when Adam and Eve are expelled:

you will waste your life reading your face over and over again

In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground

Some thoughts:

the tree of knowledge is a proto-language ...

seemed a little flat, maybe, perhaps a little too much like a bald statement of the idea (if that makes sense) -- though I do like the idea and the use of "proto-language". I wonder if there's a stronger / more specific verb than "is" here that might suggest an image of some sort while still conveying the same idea; I don't know what though. I also wonder about "a" proto-language, since I'd assume it was the proto-language, the urlanguage. Maybe just changing "a" does enough to address my nit here, assuming you want to. Maybe "is your proto-language"?

Also, though this may be a bad idea, I wonder if the tree could "tower" somehow (perhaps about Adam), for a Babel reference. Like I say, possibly a bad idea.

I liked "change on a word's whim" from V2, and wondered if you incorporating into V1's S4 somehow. Either in the first sentence, or negated into the second, maybe something like:

Or you can believe you are carved from clay into an ideogram of His being, resolved, not changed by a word's whim.

best,

Matt
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