Well, I'd add Ellington to Owen and Rosenberg. I may have quoted the Duke before here in some context: "We have to find a way of saying without saying." Kind of works here.
It's true that an infant has no speech, so in a sense you can write anything when it comes to expressing an infant's thoughts and impressions. But it won't work if it cones across as a well-spoken, observant adult speaking. I can tell you that the second I came upon "assaults" the poem became problematic. I hear you speaking, Julie. Maybe it hit WT someplace else, or he's getting at something else. Right now, I'm not buying this as the expression of an infant conveying experience. I chose the word "naive" carefully. That's the standard.
So you're looking for a way of conveying wordless communication with words. Communication emanating from a pure human with no experiential reference. Not yet maligned by language. What a project! And well worth taking it to what you already have here. I don't know how much revision this would require. Don't blow the ending.
Rick
Last edited by Rick Mullin; 03-31-2024 at 07:03 PM.
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