[Mark McDonnell]

Jingle Phil

You fuck it up, the Christmas gift.
You never mean to, but you do.
You leave it late and then they're miffed
With 'Words of Wisdom for the Loo'.

But you've been fucked up in your time
by festive ties with matching socks,
disturbing books on true-life crime
and vaguely racist cuckoo clocks.

Man hands on useless tat to man,
It sits unwanted on a shelf.
Next year you'll sort it! Have a plan!
Accept you make a useless elf.


Merry Christmas everybody!