I enjoyed your gloss and like you speak next to no Chinese. But reading from your crib, I think your translation might be simpler and more natural speech, as Aaron suggests:
Empty mountain, no one visible,
yet a human voice is heard;
reflected sunlight enters the deep forest,
shining again on blue-green moss.
I've removed your liberties with the crib, including returning, which I like, but which suggests a temporality the crib doesn't seem to support. I don't see the need to depart from the crib repeatedly to produce English (or indeed poetry) that is both less natural and more complicated. But I am open to persuasion. Thank you also for elegantly plugging the Wang Wei volume.
Update: just to note the word again in the last line. But I don't think the poem needs the concept stated twice. That seems un-Chinese.
Last edited by John Isbell; 07-10-2019 at 07:03 AM.