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Unread 07-09-2019, 11:10 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 4,845

Hi Simon,

I enjoyed your gloss and like you speak next to no Chinese. But reading from your crib, I think your translation might be simpler and more natural speech, as Aaron suggests:

Empty mountain, no one visible,
yet a human voice is heard;
reflected sunlight enters the deep forest,
shining again on blue-green moss.

I've removed your liberties with the crib, including returning, which I like, but which suggests a temporality the crib doesn't seem to support. I don't see the need to depart from the crib repeatedly to produce English (or indeed poetry) that is both less natural and more complicated. But I am open to persuasion. Thank you also for elegantly plugging the Wang Wei volume.


Update: just to note the word again in the last line. But I don't think the poem needs the concept stated twice. That seems un-Chinese.

Last edited by John Isbell; 07-10-2019 at 07:03 AM.
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