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Unread 01-08-2024, 07:21 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 4,269
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Hi Bill, I can't put this in perspective/focus. It feels impressionistic but the word selection seems off. It feels like water spilled onto the page.

I decided to see what I would do with it:

Iris frames the driveway
expecting his return.

Wind and rain bend
the blossoms to become

The two bleed together
to form a silent yellow stain.


or simply:

Iris frames the driveway.
His car returns, wind and rain
bend the blossoms to be yellow stain.



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