I think this is a very fine rendition of Borges' haunting and lyrical sonnet. As a reader, I have no quibbles with it. As a critter in full hunting mode, I found some nits to pounce upon.
Firstly, in L1, "vernacular" seems too academic, and is not in the original, which is simply idioma (language).
In L3, I have to disagree with DG007 - I don't like "squabbling" - reminds me too much of a married couple having a petty argument... Or of pigeons, for some reason. Or my kids! I guess it's hard to come up with a word for "gibberish" with the openness and beauty of "algarabía"…
L8 -"all babbling with all of Babel's strife" just blows me away! Operative Two has made brilliant use of babbling/Babel - IMO, an example of Translator/Transformer wherein the translation actually surpasses the original.
L 12 - I disagree with DG. I would keep "by the deep" as I like the repetition of "by" which evokes for me the rhythm of ocean waves..
L14 - Similarly, I would keep the line as is - to my ear, it sounds more natural and flows better than DG's suggestion.
Just one more thing - the title. I would prefer dropping the article and calling it simply "Compass"
I should add, I haven't read any of the critiques besides DG's, so if I appear to be repeating or ignoring other remarks, please forgive me.
[I'd like to make a general remark about formatting – I much prefer the original uninterrupted, rather than interspersed line by line with the crib, which I find makes it hard to read the original with any kind of coherence or flow.]
Agent 86
Last edited by Marion Shore; 10-09-2013 at 11:30 AM.
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