Tim Murphy asked us to comment on each other's poems.
I had hesitated to do so but I am so moved by the agony of this particular poem that I have decided to put my toe in the water.
I find the meter is perfect for the content. Young love is powerful and takes priority over everything. It holds so much future for both lovers. The threat of permanent separation is intolerable.
This part of the poem is stunning:
Oh God, how can I pray
for mercy that I would not give
another man today?
There, as Rhina says, is Mark Twain's "War Prayer".
Oh God of wonder and of might,
depart. I cannot sleep with you tonight.
I understand why Bill used "wonder". The wonder of an impenetrable God who gives so much and asks so much. I can't think of a substitute. I see why Rhina feels it lacks complexity and depth but I just can't conjure up any other word.
I'm knocked out by this poem.
Janet
[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited December 20, 2003).]
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