Thread: unmade
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Unread 01-31-2020, 08:37 AM
Phil Bulman Phil Bulman is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Maryland, USA
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Hi Jim,

I like the idea here and some of the execution.

The final stanza is strong.

"yeses turned to noes" seems too general and abstract; it could apply to many changes.

Also, the word "show" does not seem to fit well here. I wonder if another word would work better...although I realize you could lose some rhyme that way.

Thanks for sharing this.

Phil
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