Dear Mr. Wilbur,
You'll never know how very appreciative I am to read your critique and questions on this poem of mine and, when you agreed with Tim Murphy that "...this poem is an example of successful loose iambic.", well . . . can you see me smiling?
Although the poem took the form of a sonnet, I think that the material might be better organized in a 5-4-3-2 pattern . . .though I'll keep the same rhyme scheme (out of plain ole laziness at this point).
When it comes to the poem's narrator--after see-sawing between the first and third person viewpoints through seemingly endless revisions--I might finally decide on the following:
I know it probably happened in the fall.
"In early Spring," she argues. A time for sweaters.
Too soon--"Or late!"--for wasting coal. I recall
the chill; and my mother's reading Daddy's letters,
bare feet on a bare floor smelling or yellow soap.
[etc.]
Many, many thanks for your warm comments, Mr. Wilbur. I'll cherish every one of them. God bless you, kind sir!
All best,
Patricia
[This message has been edited by Patricia A. Marsh (edited February 08, 2003).]