[Rose Kelleher]

The octet is to die for, but the sestet hammers away too hard imo. In fact I think the octet could stand alone.

Editing in: On second thought, I really like the point that's being made in the sestet. A lot. And we need "Clouds shroud the peak, the wettest spot on earth / Streams lace the wall" to explain what the tears are. But the language used in the sestet to make its main point could be improved. For example, for me, "Olympian mirth" is a turnoff, whereas something about "the gods laughing" would be more immediate and concrete, less academic-sounding. Also, "midst" is a noun, isn't it? Unless it's an elision of "amidst," like "e'er" or "'neath," which are rarely used these days, and in which case it needs an apostrophe. Stuff like that. So, while I'm almost in love with this one, I'm not quite yet.

I wasn't bothered by the last line and don't really understand the objection. Suffering is universal, no?